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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27973175">The Gift</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vashti/pseuds/Vashti'>Vashti</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Death Note (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2009-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2009-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:55:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27973175</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vashti/pseuds/Vashti</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Before he finds the death note, Light sees a particular episode of Buffy that comes to define his life. Songfic for "Get Out Alive" by Three Days' Grace, written for the gabih@LJ at comment fic@lj.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Gift</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_gabih/gifts">the_gabih</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Lmao, I really did write some unbelievable crap back in the day. I believe this is the only fic I ever wrote that got no reviews whatsoever.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>If I
go, I can only hope that I make it to the other side.</em>
</p><p>Sayu
watched some ridiculous things on television. Not that Light didn't,
but at least he had the sense to do it in his room.</p><p>One of her
favourites was about a badly-dubbed American girl, who was blonde and
fought vampires. Sachiko would make her turn it off, and Light would
play his usual game of lipreading what the actors had said. He was
sixteen, unsure of his place, and one of the lines had resonated with
him. <em>Death is your gift.</em> He'd never cared to see the plot
resolve, but that line had stuck around.</p><p>He hadn't thought of
it when he found the notebook, when he read the rules on its cover as
easily as breathing. He hadn't thought of it when he'd shrugged and
written down the very first name. He hadn't thought of it as he'd
panicked, and told himself that it <em>couldn't</em> be real. But he'd
thought of it in the hours afterwards, his mind become the devil's
plaything. A fairytale; a frustrated child's power fantasy. Trails of
breadcrumbs leading to his destiny. It wasn't real, but for just
these few hours, he was going to pretend it was.</p><p>So it had
been there as the truck mowed the second name down in front of his
eyes. It had been there as he knew himself a murderer, and fled into
the alleyway to retch and let the freezing November rain drench him.
It had been right there when he turned his back on what he'd done,
turned it right around to paint himself white again. To force the
rain itself to wash him clean. <em>Death is your gift</em>.</p><p>
  <em>If
you want to get out alive, run for your life.</em>
</p><p>Reduced to
an understanding, it had been there when L died - that man who'd
claimed to be his friend, but who they both knew was as great a liar
as Light himself. All those memories of the time Light wasn't truly
there, hazier by the day, but enough left over that he'd thought,
<em>What have I done?</em>. Only appearances, of course. He'd had no
time for such sentiment, not with other questions to think of: <em>Is
this really it? Is it really over?</em> It had been there when he
realised it really was; L, who'd threatened his image and his life in
front of the world, who'd been the only one who could stop him; L was
dying for his sins. It had been there as the gloating disbelief
seared him clean, fire and acid and glory.</p><p>It was there when
he realised circumstances had trapped him, that his father couldn't
be dissuaded from taking the shinigami eyes. It was there when he
clenched his fists in his lap and gave him the order to make the
trade. It was there when he worked to soil his father's dying moments
with murder, when he screamed his frustration at the man's stupid
human weakness, and then realised it wasn't the most important thing
at all; that his father had gone forever to his grave. That he'd gone
believing Kira evil, and Light's work a sham, and could never, never,
never be shown the error of his ways. <em>You're not Kira, Light. I'm
so glad.</em></p><p>
  <em>If I stay it won't be long until I'm burning
on the inside.</em>
</p><p>And it had been there at the very end, when
he'd made people and events into warp and weft and spun a design all
his own. It had been there when he'd walked into the warehouse and
known it for a fact - his victory, his apotheosis. It had been there
as he revelled in revealing himself, as he'd done so many times
before. <em>I win, Near!</em></p><p>But by the time he saw himself
exposed, it had gone. When he'd gathered himself to make his case,
he'd had only the barest inkling of it. And then Matsuda and the
bullets had crippled him into a writhing, begging mess of mindless
agony on a concrete floor, and it had still been gone. Only at the
very end had it returned, when he'd seen his own name in wavering
characters on a blank page. His own death ticking down in his ears,
with each flutter of his thready mouse heartbeat. Red in his eyes, it
had ripped through his body, screaming and begging and <em>no, no, no,
I can't die, not yet, I haven't done anything yet!</em> And it had
been then that he'd seen it for what it was: no gift at all, but a
horror.</p><p><em>No time for goodbye, he said, as he faded away;</em><br/>
<em>Don't put your life in someone's hands, they're bound to steal it away;</em><br/>
<em>Don't hide your mistakes, 'cause they'll find you.</em></p>
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